Aaron is SIX!

Happy Birthday Aaron James Sherman!

Your smile is infectious.

Your laugh is contagious.

Your spirit is beautiful.

We love you.

Change is Inevitable

When did this happen? When did I get to be a grown-up? I can remember everything that has happened (for the most part) in the last 33 years, but it seems like it only took about a year for it all to happen!

My little brother got married this weekend. It kind of woke me up. Sure he was 27 years old. Sure he was ready for this life changing moment. Sure my parents were overjoyed to see him say his vows. I am just not sure I was completely ready for him to make that step. You see, by him not growing up I could stay young as well. I understand that I have had 2 kids and have been married for 13 years. I understand that it has been 15 years since I graduated high school.

I suppose that everyone moves on. No one has the luxury of staying in the same place, mentally, physically, or emotionally. Staying in one place means no growth. I have always been a fan of change. But I dont know if I was ready to give Daniel over to his wife. To relinquish my protector status was hard. I shed tears at the wedding. I was not the only one, though I might have been the only one crying for that particular reason.

I am extremely happy for Daniel and Lyndie (as long as she doesnt hurt my baby brother of course) . I am excited about the future and accepting Kellie and Sean and future babies into our family. I guess that change had to come about in order for us to have these awesome people apart of our family.

Change is a necessary evil. Though it is not always an evil it is always necessary. My life might not ever be the same, thanks to daniel taking the plunge into married life. But it will be better. I might not be young but I am not old. I might not be in the same place I was a year ago, but I am better off for it. I might not be the same person I was, but I am constantly growing into the person God wants me to be.

Below is a song I have loved for a very long time and it has helped many times to accept the change that comes so often in my life. I hope you can find some solace in these words.....if you, too, are having a difficult time with impending change.

Sorry about the rambling. Change has never scared me til I saw my brother accept so much responsibility (and he has never ever been the one to do this....EVER) and realized......things are different now. Things are better.

Welcome to our family Lyndie, Kellie and Sean. Get ready.....you are now on the crazy train!

To Every Season
Pete Seeger

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)

There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven

A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven


A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing


To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

Wedding Bells are a Ringing!

Happy Wedding Day Daniel and Lyndie!

May God bless your lives with many exciting years to come!

Dear Drugs, go away.

I am a protector by nature. I want to protect those I love. I have been helpless at times when my loved ones make choices I know will not end well. They are their choices to make. But when I see someone self destructing I can not, no let me phrase this, I WILL not sit back and do nothing. SO this entire entry will be my open letter to the one thing that tries, time and time again, to destroy those I love.

Drugs

I have seen how drugs destroy entire families.
I have seen how drugs can change a person into something unimaginable.
I have seen how drugs can make the most honest people into liars.
I have seen how drugs can destroy the body, mind and soul.
I have seen how drugs can make a beautiful person hate themselves.
I have seen drugs and they are not just recreational.
I have seen drugs and they don't help anyone.


I am prepared to fight for those I love. whatever it takes, whereever I need to go I will go. Please don't try to tell me that a little weed never hurt anyone. it has, in the long run, it has. My family and friends are far to important to just surrender to drugs. I will fight.

Below is a song that I wish anyone who is struggling with this disease can listen to. Absorb the words into your soul and know that you are worth fighting for.

Empathy by A Sound Mind

There’s a glimpse of what lives much deeper in

If you breath enough air into it you will see it floating

As life skips jumps rewind

You can bring change with faith in yourself once again

Don’t let yourself destroy yourself, don’t let yourself destroy self

When you feel like the whole world feels

When you feel like the whole world feels

& your on your own and your all alone

& your on your own and your all alone

Hold you head above the water

Until the water dries

Life or death situation,

You aint good to no-one unless your alive and breathing yourself

Your only an aid to someone if you yourself are fine

So hold your own head above the water

Hold your own head above the water

Above the water, above the water

Don’t let yourself destroy yourself

Don’t let yourself destroy yourself

Don’t let yourself destroy yourself

Don’t let yourself destroy yourself

When you feel like the whole feels

When you feel like the whole world feels

& your on your own and your all alone

& your on your own and your all alone

Hold you head above the water

Above the water

Yeah Until, yeah until,

The water dries

We will self empathise

"Saints are just sinners who kept going" Robert Louis Stevenson

"For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23

I heard something a few months ago. I should have been listening a little bit more than I was. One of my good friends confessed something to his grandmother. The subject matter in which he discussed with his grandmother was a very private and personal issue so I will not divulge that information here. BUT her response was one of complete and utter love. She said, " I love the sinner, not the sin". WOW. She completely accepted him, who he was and what he told her. She did not accept the sin, but the sinner.

So many times, I have been unforgivable but those who truly love me have forgiven me. We all mess up. Because I am a born-again Christian, I believe that my sins are covered by the blood that was shed by Jesus. Having said that, when people sin against ME, I should just forgive them. Whether they ask for my forgiveness or not.

My entire life I have never ever wanted people to be mad at me. Even, which this is terribly hypocritical, those people who I did not necessarily like or even want to be around. I could not stand, still can not stand, to think that someone might think ill of me. I have learned, in the last 8 months, that no matter what, people are going to dislike me for one reason or another. And even if I did absolutely nothing to warrant those feelings, they will still dislike me. Now it does not help that people have lied about me, spread rumors about me and said some really maliscious things about me. I know without all of those things, I still will not able to be everyone's favorite person.

Which brings me to my point (finally huh). When people dislike me, when they sin against me, I should take Jesus and use Him as an example. Forever forgiving me, forever loving me, forever accepting me for who I am. I should just forgive, even those who are not apologetic or even admit to any wrong .I should love people, despite the fact that they dont love or show love towards me. I should accept everyone, no matter if they dont believe what I believe, or think like I think, or if they listen to *gasp* country music and ONLY country music! I dont have to believe how they believe, or even accept their way of thinking. We are all children of God. We are all seeking the same thing. Love and acceptance. Why should I, who desperately wants everyone to think that she is awesome and fun and loving and happy, not give everyone, no matter who they are, the same courtesy. I dont have to be everyone's best friend. I dont even have to be everyone's friend. I just need to be friendLY. Show the love of Christ to everyone I meet, everyone I know.

People will disappoint you. That is a proven fact. Just like it is a proven fact that we will disappoint God. But time and time again God forgives us. So time and time again I should forgive others. Should I forget the wrongs done against me? Not always. By not forgetting, you protect yourself from future hurt. Trusting people and forgiving them are two entirely different things.

Today I will take the advice of my friend's grandmother. I will love the sinner, just not the sin. I will accept those people who have wronged me and are wronging me. I will be nice to everyone I meet. Because the golden rule is still the golden rule. I want people to be nice to me. They wont always be, but I will always try to be nice to them.

who I am

who am I

really who am I

Am I merely a mother, wife, daughter

Do I have substance

Do I contain the compassion that I wish to give

Do I give the benefit of the doubt when it is not earned

Do I have the drive to actually finish the book

When I am alone, why do I yearn for my kids,

When they are with me, why do I crave solitude

Why am I constantly seeking approval

Why do I act as if I dont care what people think, when in all actuality it is what I think about most often

Why do I think my smile is the only thing attractive about me

Why do I wish for greatness but never do anything to achieve it

Is there sincerity in my prayers

Is there cleverness in my jokes

How do I know where I want to be if I dont know where I am going

How do I find out where I am going if I dont know where I want to go

How do I forgive someone who is not sorry for the wrongs they have done

Are my children going to ever think of me as a friend

Are my parents and husband proud of me

Will I ever be able to accept myself for who I really am?

These are the things that I most often think about. Kind of crazy but that is who I am...crazy, mixed up but totally happy.

Summer's over, let the mourning commense

As I sit thinking about my daughter's first day of school tomorrow, I am brought back to my 12 first days of school. While I cant remember the first few, I do remember highschool very well. Deciding what to wear (not a problem now thanks to uniforms) was such a huge deal. I remember my older sister telling me not to dress nice the very first day and save the cool new outfits for the second of third day. I could not find the logic in that, nor can I now, but I did it. Of course she was a senior and I was a freshman so she had to make sure I was not better looking than she.

My neice begins her highschool career as well tomorrow. I remember when she was born. This makes me feel extremely sad. My youth is gone, and hers is just beginning. My days of walking the hallowed halls of Ruston High are over and she is just beginning that journey. I wish that I had relished those days. I was in such a hurry to get to the end of the journey that I missed most of the scenery. If there is one thing I can tell my kids and nieces and nephews, is enjoy the ride. Enjoy every moment you are in school. Enjoy the lack of responsibility. Enjoy every crush you get. Enjoy hanging out at lunch, laughing with your friends. 

I enjoyed highschool, but I was so focused on growing up that I didnt realize that it would happen faster than I thought. Faster than I had wished even. My 4 years at Ruston High School were a very fast, wild ride. I was a band geek but dog gone it I was the coolest band geek. I was a flirt and longed for acceptance. Just like every highschool girl. Nothing spectacular. Nothing life. But that was not because it DIDNT happen. It was because I didnt notice it. Notice everything. Make memories. This is what life is about and especially highschool. Enjoy every dance, every pep rally, every club day (do they still have those??).

Well since this has become a letter to all highschool kids I guess I will close this post out. Just never take for granted how much time you have left. I am going to blink and I will be attending my 5 year olds graduation. Ahhh this makes me cry. Life goes by fast.....enjoy the ride.

My mama was right.

Kids are sometimes sweet.

Parenting is sometimes sour.

Guess it all will all even out someday.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

~Charles R. Swindoll

I read these words last night and they resonated with me. I have always tried to have a happy attitude. Clearly I am human and have not always accomplished this. I have never really thought about how my life is based more on my attitude than anything else. I agree with ole chuck swindoll when he said that it can make or break a company, a church and a home. I have seen it break all three. I would love to say that I have never been part of the attitude problem but that is not true. I am just as guilty as everyone else.

I am a pleaser. I love to make people happy. I don't know why. Maybe it is some incessant need for approval. M.C.S. or Middle Child Syndrome. I don't think this is a bad thing. But the problem is, when people don't react the way I want them to, then the attitude comes. I don't know why I cant just be content in knowing I have done my part to make someone happy. But again my attitude is caused by other's attitude. Now I am not going to lay blame. But i am in a way. I, myself, have had bad attitudes which in turn caused others to have a bad attitude. So it really is a vicious cycle. I do have to say that I have had bad attitudes due my own failures or other things that I have done to myself.  I guess I need to really be on guard at all times. When I allow people or circumstances to steal my joy, then I am saying to myself, that my joy is not important enough. Which brings me back to wanting to please others before myself. Don't get me wrong, that is a great thing. We are supposed to serve, to bring the love of Christ to the world. But my joy is just as important as the next persons and when someones bad attitude makes my own go south then I just let them take something from me. A moment in time that I will never be able to get back.

Our lives are full of moments. We are in control of how we react to those moments. They might not all be happy moments. But we are ultimately in control of how we see those moments. I do try to be optimistic in every situation life throws at me. I know people who can't even seem to find the positive in a GOOD situation! I cant imagine existing that way. That is what they are doing, existing. NOT living! Now I know trying to find good in ALL moments of your life might seem impossible. It all goes back to attitude. If you have a great attitude then you will easily see some good in everything.

When my uncle died, I was sad. I still cant believe that he is no longer with us. Cancer is an ugly thing. To find the good out of that situation is very difficult. He was only 55. He had a wife and 17 year old daughter. He had nieces and nephews that LOVED him. But, I knew if I was going to get through this, if I was going to help my aunt and cousin  and my own small kids who adored him, I was going to have to have a great attitude. I knew, without a doubt that Edward was heaven bound. I knew that as we mourned the fact that he was no longer here, we must also  rejoice in the fact that he was with Jesus. We must celebrate his life and the memories that we had with him. It is still hard to think about not being able to see him for a long time. But I also know that I WILL see him because of my own relationship with Christ.

So you see, our attitude can ease our pain, or make it greater. Our attitude can hurt someone or help them. I think about how Jesus' attitude the day he was being crucified was one that while he KNEW what was happening he KNEW there was purpose behind it. I am SO glad that he didn't have an attitude like I do many times and say," Forget it, no one appreciates what I am doing and they never will ." We would really be in trouble then.

So starting today, I am going to try to have a GREAT attitude! I will be looking at the POSITIVE and not try to knock someone down because I feel bad about myself or my situation. Of course I will not accomplish this every second of every day. But if I keep it on the fore front of all my thoughts, I believe that I can, MOST of the time, have a great attitude. After all, my children are watching everything I do and if I can teach them one thing, it is to always see the good in people.....in every moment of their lives.

Elvis A. Presley

I will not be making a habit of posting two blogs in one day, but I felt the need to acknowledge today. 33 years ago today, Elvis died. I am aware some of the readers might not appreciate his contribution to the music industry, I, however, do and because this is MY spot on the web you will have to just deal.

Elvis brought to the white music industry something no one dared to do. He shook his hips too much and rocked whatever house he was in. He took what he learned in African American churches...the soul of music...and introduced it to white suburbia. Music was never the same. His passion to do what he loved and his talent to do it well is what made Elvis great. Sadly, his life was cut short by his living on the edge mentality and addictions. I do recognize that he was not the beginning. There were some talented African American musicians who were doing the same thing. Elvis brought it to the masses though. He mainstreamed it in a way only he could.

In memory of a legend...i dedicate this post!

first ramblings of a madwoman

I have chosen to write a blog. My continuing need for greatness has prompted me to allow myself to be seen by the world, at my best, and worst. I will most likely have many grammatical errors in my blogs to come (including this one) and in all likelihood I will spell a word of two wrong. BUT this is my place. A place I can express what I am feeling. This is usually where the "reader beware" disclaimer should be placed. Maybe it should have been the name of my blog. Who knows. I will only advertise this to my closest friends, and if anyone else should stumble upon it, oh well. I am not NEW to blogging. I have done so when myspace was still cool and then again a couple of times on facebook. (FB is still cool FYI)

I am in my 30's and still trying to figure it all out. I have two kids and can't seem to point them in the right direction, due to the fact that I am not sure which direction is right. Happiness to me means so many different things. Figuring out what is important to me is probably a good step. I have accomplished that step but the levels of importance differs daily, though my family's importance to me never wavers. I suppose I should just be glad to have finally "bitten the bullet" and committed to a blog. Which brings a whole other set of issues I have with commitment. Seeing things through. If I have control of something I tend to NOT see it through to the end. Another of the endless flaws I work on daily.

So this blog will have so many different aspects of my life. Jesus (I love me some Jesus), my children (who are genetically awesome), my husband (love me some husband), my family, friends and of course my own personal issues as I try to sift through them. I have to warn you my issues are numerous and at time neurotic. So buckle and enjoy the ride!

Well that is it for now. I am not apologizing for the ramblings, as this is the purpose.