inspiring quotes

just a few quotes I found to be inspiring and have helped me out a time or two.

• Always forgive your enemies, nothing bugs them so much. Oscar Wilde
• Man is least himself when he talks in his own person, give him a mask, and he'll tell you the truth. Oscar Wilde
• The weak can never forgive, Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. Ghandi
• The farther behind I leave my own past, the closer I am to forging my own character. Isabelle Eberhardt
• When a character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends. Japanese Proverb
• You see things that are and say," Why?" and I dream things that never were and say ,"why not?" George Bernard Shaw
• We do not change as we grow older, we just become more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall
• God gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into it's nest. J.G. Holland
• Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There is no courage unless you are scared.  Eddie Rickenbacker

I hope you can read these and can be inspired as well. I have been having a bit of a creative block lately. I guess I have so many things going through my mind, I am having a hard time concentrating on one thing long enough to actually write about it. I do think that we should utilize quotes from others to help put some perspective in our own lives. Enjoy them and look up your own......sometimes they can end up being the very thing you needed to understand your life at that moment!

 

to whom this may concern

*disclaimer: before you read this, know that I am writing this to a specific person. Someone who is a very bad person. Please understand that these harsh yet sincere feelings that are being revealed are towards that one person......as a way to just get it all out. To understand my own feelings so i can begin to deal with them. To help those I love to heal........



To Whom it May concern:

You will never read this. I am not sure I am happy or upset about that. Actually I am not happy with that fact. I WANT you to read this. I want it to seep into your very core. I want my words to hurt your soul. To rip you to shreds emotionally. I want my thoughts about you to push you to your breaking point. This is a hard thing for me because I am not normally a hateful person. I, actually, have tried to live by the golden rule, which you obviously do not know.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. What you did....the incomprehensable things you did...to the person I love make it so very hard for me to be nice towards you even if I am not around you ever. I dislike you even more, on top of the things you did to my loved one, because you have made this ugly emotion rise into my heart. I have been disgusted with you since I found out the truth. I have actually been angry with the one you hurt. I am ashamed to say that. To say, that this person you destroyed emotionally, physically, mentally was actually the one I was mad at. For not being able to get over this. Not being able to just get up, brush themselves off and go on with their life.

I now realize that your victim...and that is right she is your victim. The one you hunted down, hurt, devoured with your hate. Your victim is really still the person they were before all of this happened. Deep down, they have ceased to age from the moment you hurt them. They are like an injured bird. Afraid to fly because of the pain that was caused.  I am not a perfect person. I have made many mistakes. The one I most regret and not doing something more. Not taking it upon myself to try to help the one I love when I knew they were hurt. I did not try to help them heal, wrap my loving arms around them and help them learn to fly once again.

The person that they became is a facade. They were surviving. They were trying to find their safe place within their mind. You took that safe place away with your sickness. You do have a sickness. You are living your life, angry that someone had the audacity to "out" you and yet they are living within an emotional box. I have always felt this emotional connection to the one I love. Your actions have all but disconnected them from all they love. You forced them to find things to love that would take them away from reality.

To say I hate you would actually be letting you win. To say I want you to be hurt, far worse, if that is possible, than you have ever hurt anyone else is doing nothing but allowing myself to be abused by you as well. You will never read this.....but i hope, somehow that you will feel it. Feel the pain you have incurred. Not only to the actual victim, your victim, but to all those who love that person. So many casualties have been the result of your selfish decision.

Your life will never be normal because you will never be normal. I know you will live with the truth and be haunted by it for the rest of your life. Your denial only fueled the rage of those who have been affected by your demented view on life. I will pray that I will never come face to face with you again. Because if that should happen, I will lose myself to the rage. I will let go and allow the hatred to consume me so that you will suffer. I do not want to submit to that ugliness....so I write a letter, openly, for all those who I love to see. If I put this out there for the world, or whomever reads this, then I am able to deal with these emotions. I can not deny them any longer. My sweet loved one, the one you hurt, says they have forgiven you. What is so hard is I know they have not forgiven themselves even though there is nothing to forgive.

I will put all of my energy in helping this little bird, the one you all but destroyed, fly once again. I will use this contempt I have towards you to fuel my passion for building them up again. To see them a whole, happy person once again will be exactly what you deserve. For you to know that even though you tried to decimate her in every possible way, you failed. You are all about power...but you will not win this one. You will fail........and I will be happy. harsh? yes. I am a born again christian but this does not mean I will not resort to this srot of thing to protect those I love. I could not protect them from you back then....but I can and will now.


donna



The the one who was hurt.

.......i love you. I love who you are, who you were and who you will be. I will walk with you to the ledge and hold your hand and when you are ready, i will watch you soar to great heights. You will be able to look back at where you have been and rejoice. My love for you will never change.......no matter what.




*I will not be discussing this further with anyone other than the party involved. I will not allow this evil person anymore of my time or energy. So if you don't understand any of this I am very sorry....but maybe, you can see, how something bad can be MADE good. Sometimes our circumstances allow us to rise and grow beyond anything we ever could have been before. Everyone must use anything bad in their lives and rise above it.  God is very useful when it comes to this....He will have a hand out....hoping you grasp it so He can lift you out of the wreckage of your life and pull you to safety...to a beautiful life.

Fall into Autumn

Fall. Autumn. Harvest moon. Yes my favorite time of the year. I love the cool breezes (though I must say its a gamble whether or not we will have cool breezes in Louisiana). This week has been wonderful. I have missed the leavea falling, the crispness in the air, the need for a hoodie and the ability to wear jeans and a t-shirt without burning up. I suppose I am looking forward to the cooler temps because this summer was almost imbearable. Hot is not the word for the summer we had. I was thankful when the temperature dropped into the 90's! Hot, sticky, nasty summer.

How I loathe hot weather. It takes me forever to cool off, but when I am cold, I can warm up rather easily. This is why Fall is perfect for me. I do love a good bonfire with good friends. I love hayrides. I LOVE halloween. I always secretly wished we lived in New Hampshire in one of those colonial towns where the sidewalks were full of trick or treaters and the houses all looked quaint with their spooks and goblins for decor. Basicly every candy commercial that airs at Halloween. I still cant wait to drive my kids down to wedgewood (the halloween mecca for trick or treaters in Ruston) and let my kids run from house to house gathering all the candy they can carry. Sure they never eat it all and I end up throwing out most of it. But they love it and I love it.......I remember when my neighborhood was big on trick or treating. There was always that one house that handed out McDonald's coupons of which my parents never let us redeem. Or the house that made homemade popcorn balls. Yuck. I would lick them and throw them away.

The reason I love this new season has always escaped me. I have tried to rationalize it. Because of the candy, the weather, the landscapes........but honestly I think its a combination of those things. Some of my happiest memories growing up were in the fall months. Everyone was in a good mood, happy to have summer over with and ready for thanksgiving and Christmas. Sure Christmas was huge in my household, still is for that matter, but Thanksgiving was when my family really got together and had a great time. Actually, Thanksgiving will most likely be my new favorite holiday. Last Thanksgiving was the last time I saw my uncle really happy, healthy (well healthier than he would become). He laughed and joked and really had a great time. He was with us on Christmas but his health was speedily declining and even he knew it wouldnt be much longer (he passed away Feb 1 of this year).  So thanksgiving was always and will always be a great time and of course it happens to be in my favorite time of year!

I suppose I need to end this now. I didnt really know what I would be writing about today. I have alot on my mind and needed to just get SOME words out......not really anything specific....just a creative release. I think I might go out on my porch and enjoy the 66 degrees that are gracing us. Maybe I can even convince deron to sit on the steps with me and gaze at the stars........well it never hurts to ask (though I am almost 100% sure his response will not be as romantic as I would hope). Enjoy your fall guys, enjoy your tomorrow. The newness that tomorrow brings is a blessing that needs to be embraced, enjoyed and made into memories. I will be making memories tomorrow.....I hope you do as well!

PS football just got turned on so I am thinking no porch sitting for deron and I. I do enjoy a good football game but that is ONE thing about fall that I might could live without! Well maybe not when the Bearcats are playing!

Dear Donna Womack

last night, my sister-in-law, dawn and I had a discussion about music. In the last 9 months I have awakened a love for what many call "strange" music. Unorthodox in many circles but still I love it. It is alternative/ indie. Some rock but even that is mostly British rock. I digress. She asked me if I had heard of a song by Brad Paisley. Now to be honest, I do not listen to country music much, but I had heard some of Mr. Paisley's songs. I had not, however, heard of the song "Letter to Me". She let me listen to it and I began to cry. As I listened to this song, this powerfully relevant song, I thought about what I would write. I will not put the lyrics to the song, as they were his lyrics (or whomever wrote the song's lyrics) here. The purpose of this blog is to reveal what would be in my Letter to Me. So here goes, for better of worse. I will be revealing certain things, that you might not know about me. Some I am not entirely proud of, but at the same time are apart of who I am so entirely that if they had not happened, I wouldn't be who i am today. Now for my letter........

Dear Donna,

I begin writing this, by first proving that this is really you in the future. In your top drawer of your white chest of drawers (that I still use btw) you keep all your Seagram's and jack Daniel's bottle tops. These are kept under the sticky paper used to cover the bottom of the drawer. If that is not enough, you also have a vast collection of Fresca cans in paper grocery bags in your closet. (go ahead and throw those away now and save mama the trouble because she WILL as soon as you leave for Leigh's in the summer).

I want to tell you some things that might help you along the way. Not trying to stop events that will happen, but rather prepare you for them.

1. Your daddy is always right. Never doubt him. No matter what because he will always give you good advice even when you think he is being hard. Your mama will do whatever she can so that you can have what you need. She will also do most of your laundry so go and ask her how to do it. Also watch her cook, you wont find a better cook and she would love it if you went in and helped.

2. Get a house key so you dont have to keep crawling through your window after school. And be more careful when crawling OUT of that window at night. Mama and Daddy are waiting to catch you...and they will....and it won't be pretty.

3. Wake them up when that friend comes crawling through your window at 2 AM. Tell them you need to take her home. Believe me....this is how they catch you sneaking out and again. It ain't pretty.

4. Give Jake that hug goodbye. It will mean more to you than you will ever know.

5. Don't try so hard. If they dont like you, then so be it. You are going to meet and marry the most fabulous man who gives you two awesome kids.

6. Wake up and go to school. Senior year is going to suck when you can't participate in senior skip day because you missed too many days in first hour because you couldnt wake up....on and btw....you still like to sleep in.

7. Don't stop exercising...believe me.....DONT

8. Go to college and finish.

9. When riding around with mandy, make sure you wear a seatbelt.

10. Enjoy every escapade you have with Candida, Holly, Mandy, and Alice. Though collectively they are not friends with each other...they will be the best friends you will ever have. (later you meet some pretty awesome chicks and even becomes REALLY good friends with....get ready for this.......Elizabeth Trammell....she is pretty cool when you are not trying to mack on her boyfriend haha).

11. Don't over do it on Prom your junior year.....on second thought......it was fun and I can remember all of it so have a blast.

12. Don't worry about the things that your parents are going through.....just be there for them and let them know you love them. Dont be afraid to hug them.

13. Know that Leigh will always be there for you. Appreciate Edward....hug him and often. let him know how much he means to you.

14. Sit down and listen to pawpaw. he has many stories to tell and they are all interesting. He loves you and is proud of who you are. He is the reason we like to joke around so much.

15. Try to steer Daniel in the right direction. He looks up to you.

16. Lori will become one of your best friends...shocking I know...but very true.

17. Greg will always, always, always be there and both lori, greg and daniel will provide you with some of the most awesome neices and nephews anyone could ever have. They will also provide you with some kicking in-laws!

18. Don't consume yourself with just one friend......as you get older it will become very clear to you who is your true friends...and who wants to drag your name through the mud. While it hurts to find this out......it is a necessary evil so you can finally be who you want to be.

19. Don't sweat the small stuff.....dont worry when people dont like you, because not everyone does.

20. Its ok to cry, even at school. Wear what you want, laugh when you want and cry as much as you need to. Don't always try to be the strong one.

21. One day, you will wake up and realize that you are not young........but you are still kicking so make the most of the time you have left.


Love, You


Ok a bit random and you might not understand most of these, but they are perfectly clear to me. This was very theraputic and now i can see why he sang that song with such emotion. I would suggest you try this......though I cant change the past, i can understand it a bit better. I have had a pretty sweet life so far.....and plan on making the next 33 years even sweeter!

the kid's got skillz

I signed Katelynn up  for a 7 week art clinic through North Central Louisiana Arts Council. She had her first class monday....the only training she has had is in her art classes at school. I was incredibly impressed at her talent. (she get it from her mama..haha thats from a song) She is so excited, as I am about all that she will be learning! Below is what she drew in her first class. She looked at the teachers picture and had to draw it.

Don't make me pull this car over!

sitting here, with earbuds in (note to self : must get skull candy) listening to my excellent playlist. wishing deron were home, but appreciating the sacrifices he makes every month. Life is pretty good. I wish everyone had the privilege of experiencing a quarter of the contentment I am feeling at this exact moment.

The grass has always seemed greener on the other side. I do have to say...my grass is pretty darn green right now. I learned a long time ago that God will not move you to where you want to be until you are content with where He has you right now. Even if that place does not seem ideal. Have I always lived this? Well NO! But I believe it.

I do look forward to what God has in store for me next. I love adventure and this life has been a pretty fun adventure thus far. I can feel change coming though....not sure why....but I welcome change even though I love my life right now. Even with all the struggles I deal with emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually.......I do love my life. (that last sentence makes me look a little wackadoodle). Are there things I wish weren't reality? Sure...I have loved ones that are hurting. I have friends who are hurting. On many levels I am hurting......though I am learning to let all of those things go and let God deal with them. But we have to look at our lives, and understand that we are where we are for a reason. Mainly our choices, but God knew we would make those choices and so circumstances are the way they are because God allowed them for a reason. Understand that and learn from those circumstances and be ready for when God moves you from where you are.

I am glad I am where I am. I have learned alot in the last year. I have learned that no matter what, your friends are not always as loyal as you are. I have learned that some people are not meant to be your friends and I have to stop trying to make them my friends, I have learned that my children will continue to amaze you beyond what I believe. I have learned to lean on God more. I have learned that I am more vulnerable than I thought. But most of all, I have learned that where I am, what I am experiencing is part of my journey, part of the path that God has me on. I have paused, stopped, and complained alot.....and He wouldn't let me continue until I was ready to accept where I was, and deal with it. Much like riding in the car with my parents when i was a child. If I acted up, my dad was quick to pull over and not MOVE until I acted right. God sometimes has to pull our lives over and wait til we decide to act right.

Well, my playlist is almost over, and it is getting late. Take from this blog whatever you can.....mainly rambling but my point is...I am happy where I am and know that where ever I end up, God will be in control. Will He have to pull me over to get me to straighten up? probably.......but that's life!  Just trust Him.....that is what I have to tell myself daily!

Life is good.......

Happy Birthday Katelynn

Beautiful, Graceful, Full of life

Dramatic, Funny, Always Creating

Loving, Caring, Great Big Sister

You were born in a exciting way

and our lives have never been the same.

We love you Katelynn Victoria Sherman.

Happy Birthday to our star!

Strength is in the eye of the beholder

My sister in law sent me a text today. It said " A strong person know how to keep their life in order. When with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say 'I'm OK' with a smile."

Now, this was a forward and I am sure she sent it to others as well. But this text, about strength, got me to thinking. What defines Strength. It really has some many different variances and each person has a different view as to what 'strong' really is. I am not talking about brute, mr universe strength. I am talking, emotionally standing when your world is crumbling all around you strength.

I have always prided myself as being a strong person. I guess I thought that showing emotion was a sign of weakness. I know my parents and siblings might disagree with this as they depict my childhood as that of a crybaby. I guess as I got older, I felt that in order to be treated as an adult I would have to act as one. I now realize that crying is not a sign of weakness. My aunt told me that she heard tears are a buffer from the pain. (or something to that affect). I liked that very much because I had LOTS of buffer! I can cry at the drop of a hat now. Does this make me strong or weak? I think a little bit of both.

I want to convey to you today that strength, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Sure there are some universal ideas about being a strong person. But in general, what you might deem as weak, others might think as stronger than they could ever be.

listed below are just some ideas of what I think strong really is......you might disagree or agree. All I would like to do is to open your minds a little bit. Know that maybe, just maybe, when you think someone is being helpless....that they are being as strong as they know how to be.

Examples of Strength

• Walking away from almost all of your friends because they dont appreciate or love you the way you need to be loved.
• Staying with someone who does not love you the way you need to be loved because it is the right thing to do
• Admitting that you need medication
• Admitting that you are an addict
• Confronting those who have wronged you
• Not saying anything to those who have wronged you
• Confessing the wrongs you have done to people
• Confessing who you really are
• Telling your parents they are wrong
• Admitting you are wrong
• Watching a loved one die, slowly, and knowing you cant do anything to save them so you make sure they are never alone and as comfortable as possible.
• Experiencing loss without losing your mind
• Crying when you are sad, happy, mad
• Watching a person go down the wrong path and not being able to do anything about it
• Seeing your loved one, strung out, and pleading with them to just get help.
• Driving with a teenager
• Going to docter with your newly diagnosed spouse and letting them cry on your shoulder
• Telling someone it will be ok, when you dont know yourself if that is true
• Holding your child, who is sick or hurt, and smiling through the tears
• Telling your child no
• Telling your child yes to something that you know will never work out for the good, but you know they must learn on their own.
• Watching your child mess up and still loving them unconditionally
• Accepting those who might not do things that you agree with but loving them anyway
• Seeing someone who has wronged you beyond anything thought imaginable and smiling and saying hello
• Forgiving those who have wronged you
• Enduring abuse so grave that you never thought you could get through it, but you did
• Watching your children make wrong decisions
• Accepting yourself and loving yourself
• Acknowledging that you need to change and then changing
• Loving those who hate you
• Controlling your past, and not letting it control you

Sometimes we forget that everyone is fighting a battle. Everyone has struggles.Whether they handle things the way you would have, they are handling them. If you see someone who is smiling, and you know that they just lost their spouse, then you are staring strength right in the face. If you see someone who has just finished rehab, you are staring strength right in the face. If you see someone who looks happy, but they are completely depressed on the inside, you are looking at strength. I have my own ideas of what makes someone strong. I have experienced things, endured things, put myself through some things that I feel have helped me be a stronger person. I will never regret these things.

Aaron is SIX!

Happy Birthday Aaron James Sherman!

Your smile is infectious.

Your laugh is contagious.

Your spirit is beautiful.

We love you.

Change is Inevitable

When did this happen? When did I get to be a grown-up? I can remember everything that has happened (for the most part) in the last 33 years, but it seems like it only took about a year for it all to happen!

My little brother got married this weekend. It kind of woke me up. Sure he was 27 years old. Sure he was ready for this life changing moment. Sure my parents were overjoyed to see him say his vows. I am just not sure I was completely ready for him to make that step. You see, by him not growing up I could stay young as well. I understand that I have had 2 kids and have been married for 13 years. I understand that it has been 15 years since I graduated high school.

I suppose that everyone moves on. No one has the luxury of staying in the same place, mentally, physically, or emotionally. Staying in one place means no growth. I have always been a fan of change. But I dont know if I was ready to give Daniel over to his wife. To relinquish my protector status was hard. I shed tears at the wedding. I was not the only one, though I might have been the only one crying for that particular reason.

I am extremely happy for Daniel and Lyndie (as long as she doesnt hurt my baby brother of course) . I am excited about the future and accepting Kellie and Sean and future babies into our family. I guess that change had to come about in order for us to have these awesome people apart of our family.

Change is a necessary evil. Though it is not always an evil it is always necessary. My life might not ever be the same, thanks to daniel taking the plunge into married life. But it will be better. I might not be young but I am not old. I might not be in the same place I was a year ago, but I am better off for it. I might not be the same person I was, but I am constantly growing into the person God wants me to be.

Below is a song I have loved for a very long time and it has helped many times to accept the change that comes so often in my life. I hope you can find some solace in these words.....if you, too, are having a difficult time with impending change.

Sorry about the rambling. Change has never scared me til I saw my brother accept so much responsibility (and he has never ever been the one to do this....EVER) and realized......things are different now. Things are better.

Welcome to our family Lyndie, Kellie and Sean. Get ready.....you are now on the crazy train!

To Every Season
Pete Seeger

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)

There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven

A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven


A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing


To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

Wedding Bells are a Ringing!

Happy Wedding Day Daniel and Lyndie!

May God bless your lives with many exciting years to come!

Dear Drugs, go away.

I am a protector by nature. I want to protect those I love. I have been helpless at times when my loved ones make choices I know will not end well. They are their choices to make. But when I see someone self destructing I can not, no let me phrase this, I WILL not sit back and do nothing. SO this entire entry will be my open letter to the one thing that tries, time and time again, to destroy those I love.

Drugs

I have seen how drugs destroy entire families.
I have seen how drugs can change a person into something unimaginable.
I have seen how drugs can make the most honest people into liars.
I have seen how drugs can destroy the body, mind and soul.
I have seen how drugs can make a beautiful person hate themselves.
I have seen drugs and they are not just recreational.
I have seen drugs and they don't help anyone.


I am prepared to fight for those I love. whatever it takes, whereever I need to go I will go. Please don't try to tell me that a little weed never hurt anyone. it has, in the long run, it has. My family and friends are far to important to just surrender to drugs. I will fight.

Below is a song that I wish anyone who is struggling with this disease can listen to. Absorb the words into your soul and know that you are worth fighting for.

Empathy by A Sound Mind

There’s a glimpse of what lives much deeper in

If you breath enough air into it you will see it floating

As life skips jumps rewind

You can bring change with faith in yourself once again

Don’t let yourself destroy yourself, don’t let yourself destroy self

When you feel like the whole world feels

When you feel like the whole world feels

& your on your own and your all alone

& your on your own and your all alone

Hold you head above the water

Until the water dries

Life or death situation,

You aint good to no-one unless your alive and breathing yourself

Your only an aid to someone if you yourself are fine

So hold your own head above the water

Hold your own head above the water

Above the water, above the water

Don’t let yourself destroy yourself

Don’t let yourself destroy yourself

Don’t let yourself destroy yourself

Don’t let yourself destroy yourself

When you feel like the whole feels

When you feel like the whole world feels

& your on your own and your all alone

& your on your own and your all alone

Hold you head above the water

Above the water

Yeah Until, yeah until,

The water dries

We will self empathise

"Saints are just sinners who kept going" Robert Louis Stevenson

"For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23

I heard something a few months ago. I should have been listening a little bit more than I was. One of my good friends confessed something to his grandmother. The subject matter in which he discussed with his grandmother was a very private and personal issue so I will not divulge that information here. BUT her response was one of complete and utter love. She said, " I love the sinner, not the sin". WOW. She completely accepted him, who he was and what he told her. She did not accept the sin, but the sinner.

So many times, I have been unforgivable but those who truly love me have forgiven me. We all mess up. Because I am a born-again Christian, I believe that my sins are covered by the blood that was shed by Jesus. Having said that, when people sin against ME, I should just forgive them. Whether they ask for my forgiveness or not.

My entire life I have never ever wanted people to be mad at me. Even, which this is terribly hypocritical, those people who I did not necessarily like or even want to be around. I could not stand, still can not stand, to think that someone might think ill of me. I have learned, in the last 8 months, that no matter what, people are going to dislike me for one reason or another. And even if I did absolutely nothing to warrant those feelings, they will still dislike me. Now it does not help that people have lied about me, spread rumors about me and said some really maliscious things about me. I know without all of those things, I still will not able to be everyone's favorite person.

Which brings me to my point (finally huh). When people dislike me, when they sin against me, I should take Jesus and use Him as an example. Forever forgiving me, forever loving me, forever accepting me for who I am. I should just forgive, even those who are not apologetic or even admit to any wrong .I should love people, despite the fact that they dont love or show love towards me. I should accept everyone, no matter if they dont believe what I believe, or think like I think, or if they listen to *gasp* country music and ONLY country music! I dont have to believe how they believe, or even accept their way of thinking. We are all children of God. We are all seeking the same thing. Love and acceptance. Why should I, who desperately wants everyone to think that she is awesome and fun and loving and happy, not give everyone, no matter who they are, the same courtesy. I dont have to be everyone's best friend. I dont even have to be everyone's friend. I just need to be friendLY. Show the love of Christ to everyone I meet, everyone I know.

People will disappoint you. That is a proven fact. Just like it is a proven fact that we will disappoint God. But time and time again God forgives us. So time and time again I should forgive others. Should I forget the wrongs done against me? Not always. By not forgetting, you protect yourself from future hurt. Trusting people and forgiving them are two entirely different things.

Today I will take the advice of my friend's grandmother. I will love the sinner, just not the sin. I will accept those people who have wronged me and are wronging me. I will be nice to everyone I meet. Because the golden rule is still the golden rule. I want people to be nice to me. They wont always be, but I will always try to be nice to them.

who I am

who am I

really who am I

Am I merely a mother, wife, daughter

Do I have substance

Do I contain the compassion that I wish to give

Do I give the benefit of the doubt when it is not earned

Do I have the drive to actually finish the book

When I am alone, why do I yearn for my kids,

When they are with me, why do I crave solitude

Why am I constantly seeking approval

Why do I act as if I dont care what people think, when in all actuality it is what I think about most often

Why do I think my smile is the only thing attractive about me

Why do I wish for greatness but never do anything to achieve it

Is there sincerity in my prayers

Is there cleverness in my jokes

How do I know where I want to be if I dont know where I am going

How do I find out where I am going if I dont know where I want to go

How do I forgive someone who is not sorry for the wrongs they have done

Are my children going to ever think of me as a friend

Are my parents and husband proud of me

Will I ever be able to accept myself for who I really am?

These are the things that I most often think about. Kind of crazy but that is who I am...crazy, mixed up but totally happy.

Summer's over, let the mourning commense

As I sit thinking about my daughter's first day of school tomorrow, I am brought back to my 12 first days of school. While I cant remember the first few, I do remember highschool very well. Deciding what to wear (not a problem now thanks to uniforms) was such a huge deal. I remember my older sister telling me not to dress nice the very first day and save the cool new outfits for the second of third day. I could not find the logic in that, nor can I now, but I did it. Of course she was a senior and I was a freshman so she had to make sure I was not better looking than she.

My neice begins her highschool career as well tomorrow. I remember when she was born. This makes me feel extremely sad. My youth is gone, and hers is just beginning. My days of walking the hallowed halls of Ruston High are over and she is just beginning that journey. I wish that I had relished those days. I was in such a hurry to get to the end of the journey that I missed most of the scenery. If there is one thing I can tell my kids and nieces and nephews, is enjoy the ride. Enjoy every moment you are in school. Enjoy the lack of responsibility. Enjoy every crush you get. Enjoy hanging out at lunch, laughing with your friends. 

I enjoyed highschool, but I was so focused on growing up that I didnt realize that it would happen faster than I thought. Faster than I had wished even. My 4 years at Ruston High School were a very fast, wild ride. I was a band geek but dog gone it I was the coolest band geek. I was a flirt and longed for acceptance. Just like every highschool girl. Nothing spectacular. Nothing life. But that was not because it DIDNT happen. It was because I didnt notice it. Notice everything. Make memories. This is what life is about and especially highschool. Enjoy every dance, every pep rally, every club day (do they still have those??).

Well since this has become a letter to all highschool kids I guess I will close this post out. Just never take for granted how much time you have left. I am going to blink and I will be attending my 5 year olds graduation. Ahhh this makes me cry. Life goes by fast.....enjoy the ride.

My mama was right.

Kids are sometimes sweet.

Parenting is sometimes sour.

Guess it all will all even out someday.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

~Charles R. Swindoll

I read these words last night and they resonated with me. I have always tried to have a happy attitude. Clearly I am human and have not always accomplished this. I have never really thought about how my life is based more on my attitude than anything else. I agree with ole chuck swindoll when he said that it can make or break a company, a church and a home. I have seen it break all three. I would love to say that I have never been part of the attitude problem but that is not true. I am just as guilty as everyone else.

I am a pleaser. I love to make people happy. I don't know why. Maybe it is some incessant need for approval. M.C.S. or Middle Child Syndrome. I don't think this is a bad thing. But the problem is, when people don't react the way I want them to, then the attitude comes. I don't know why I cant just be content in knowing I have done my part to make someone happy. But again my attitude is caused by other's attitude. Now I am not going to lay blame. But i am in a way. I, myself, have had bad attitudes which in turn caused others to have a bad attitude. So it really is a vicious cycle. I do have to say that I have had bad attitudes due my own failures or other things that I have done to myself.  I guess I need to really be on guard at all times. When I allow people or circumstances to steal my joy, then I am saying to myself, that my joy is not important enough. Which brings me back to wanting to please others before myself. Don't get me wrong, that is a great thing. We are supposed to serve, to bring the love of Christ to the world. But my joy is just as important as the next persons and when someones bad attitude makes my own go south then I just let them take something from me. A moment in time that I will never be able to get back.

Our lives are full of moments. We are in control of how we react to those moments. They might not all be happy moments. But we are ultimately in control of how we see those moments. I do try to be optimistic in every situation life throws at me. I know people who can't even seem to find the positive in a GOOD situation! I cant imagine existing that way. That is what they are doing, existing. NOT living! Now I know trying to find good in ALL moments of your life might seem impossible. It all goes back to attitude. If you have a great attitude then you will easily see some good in everything.

When my uncle died, I was sad. I still cant believe that he is no longer with us. Cancer is an ugly thing. To find the good out of that situation is very difficult. He was only 55. He had a wife and 17 year old daughter. He had nieces and nephews that LOVED him. But, I knew if I was going to get through this, if I was going to help my aunt and cousin  and my own small kids who adored him, I was going to have to have a great attitude. I knew, without a doubt that Edward was heaven bound. I knew that as we mourned the fact that he was no longer here, we must also  rejoice in the fact that he was with Jesus. We must celebrate his life and the memories that we had with him. It is still hard to think about not being able to see him for a long time. But I also know that I WILL see him because of my own relationship with Christ.

So you see, our attitude can ease our pain, or make it greater. Our attitude can hurt someone or help them. I think about how Jesus' attitude the day he was being crucified was one that while he KNEW what was happening he KNEW there was purpose behind it. I am SO glad that he didn't have an attitude like I do many times and say," Forget it, no one appreciates what I am doing and they never will ." We would really be in trouble then.

So starting today, I am going to try to have a GREAT attitude! I will be looking at the POSITIVE and not try to knock someone down because I feel bad about myself or my situation. Of course I will not accomplish this every second of every day. But if I keep it on the fore front of all my thoughts, I believe that I can, MOST of the time, have a great attitude. After all, my children are watching everything I do and if I can teach them one thing, it is to always see the good in people.....in every moment of their lives.

Elvis A. Presley

I will not be making a habit of posting two blogs in one day, but I felt the need to acknowledge today. 33 years ago today, Elvis died. I am aware some of the readers might not appreciate his contribution to the music industry, I, however, do and because this is MY spot on the web you will have to just deal.

Elvis brought to the white music industry something no one dared to do. He shook his hips too much and rocked whatever house he was in. He took what he learned in African American churches...the soul of music...and introduced it to white suburbia. Music was never the same. His passion to do what he loved and his talent to do it well is what made Elvis great. Sadly, his life was cut short by his living on the edge mentality and addictions. I do recognize that he was not the beginning. There were some talented African American musicians who were doing the same thing. Elvis brought it to the masses though. He mainstreamed it in a way only he could.

In memory of a legend...i dedicate this post!

first ramblings of a madwoman

I have chosen to write a blog. My continuing need for greatness has prompted me to allow myself to be seen by the world, at my best, and worst. I will most likely have many grammatical errors in my blogs to come (including this one) and in all likelihood I will spell a word of two wrong. BUT this is my place. A place I can express what I am feeling. This is usually where the "reader beware" disclaimer should be placed. Maybe it should have been the name of my blog. Who knows. I will only advertise this to my closest friends, and if anyone else should stumble upon it, oh well. I am not NEW to blogging. I have done so when myspace was still cool and then again a couple of times on facebook. (FB is still cool FYI)

I am in my 30's and still trying to figure it all out. I have two kids and can't seem to point them in the right direction, due to the fact that I am not sure which direction is right. Happiness to me means so many different things. Figuring out what is important to me is probably a good step. I have accomplished that step but the levels of importance differs daily, though my family's importance to me never wavers. I suppose I should just be glad to have finally "bitten the bullet" and committed to a blog. Which brings a whole other set of issues I have with commitment. Seeing things through. If I have control of something I tend to NOT see it through to the end. Another of the endless flaws I work on daily.

So this blog will have so many different aspects of my life. Jesus (I love me some Jesus), my children (who are genetically awesome), my husband (love me some husband), my family, friends and of course my own personal issues as I try to sift through them. I have to warn you my issues are numerous and at time neurotic. So buckle and enjoy the ride!

Well that is it for now. I am not apologizing for the ramblings, as this is the purpose.