to whom this may concern

*disclaimer: before you read this, know that I am writing this to a specific person. Someone who is a very bad person. Please understand that these harsh yet sincere feelings that are being revealed are towards that one person......as a way to just get it all out. To understand my own feelings so i can begin to deal with them. To help those I love to heal........



To Whom it May concern:

You will never read this. I am not sure I am happy or upset about that. Actually I am not happy with that fact. I WANT you to read this. I want it to seep into your very core. I want my words to hurt your soul. To rip you to shreds emotionally. I want my thoughts about you to push you to your breaking point. This is a hard thing for me because I am not normally a hateful person. I, actually, have tried to live by the golden rule, which you obviously do not know.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. What you did....the incomprehensable things you did...to the person I love make it so very hard for me to be nice towards you even if I am not around you ever. I dislike you even more, on top of the things you did to my loved one, because you have made this ugly emotion rise into my heart. I have been disgusted with you since I found out the truth. I have actually been angry with the one you hurt. I am ashamed to say that. To say, that this person you destroyed emotionally, physically, mentally was actually the one I was mad at. For not being able to get over this. Not being able to just get up, brush themselves off and go on with their life.

I now realize that your victim...and that is right she is your victim. The one you hunted down, hurt, devoured with your hate. Your victim is really still the person they were before all of this happened. Deep down, they have ceased to age from the moment you hurt them. They are like an injured bird. Afraid to fly because of the pain that was caused.  I am not a perfect person. I have made many mistakes. The one I most regret and not doing something more. Not taking it upon myself to try to help the one I love when I knew they were hurt. I did not try to help them heal, wrap my loving arms around them and help them learn to fly once again.

The person that they became is a facade. They were surviving. They were trying to find their safe place within their mind. You took that safe place away with your sickness. You do have a sickness. You are living your life, angry that someone had the audacity to "out" you and yet they are living within an emotional box. I have always felt this emotional connection to the one I love. Your actions have all but disconnected them from all they love. You forced them to find things to love that would take them away from reality.

To say I hate you would actually be letting you win. To say I want you to be hurt, far worse, if that is possible, than you have ever hurt anyone else is doing nothing but allowing myself to be abused by you as well. You will never read this.....but i hope, somehow that you will feel it. Feel the pain you have incurred. Not only to the actual victim, your victim, but to all those who love that person. So many casualties have been the result of your selfish decision.

Your life will never be normal because you will never be normal. I know you will live with the truth and be haunted by it for the rest of your life. Your denial only fueled the rage of those who have been affected by your demented view on life. I will pray that I will never come face to face with you again. Because if that should happen, I will lose myself to the rage. I will let go and allow the hatred to consume me so that you will suffer. I do not want to submit to that ugliness....so I write a letter, openly, for all those who I love to see. If I put this out there for the world, or whomever reads this, then I am able to deal with these emotions. I can not deny them any longer. My sweet loved one, the one you hurt, says they have forgiven you. What is so hard is I know they have not forgiven themselves even though there is nothing to forgive.

I will put all of my energy in helping this little bird, the one you all but destroyed, fly once again. I will use this contempt I have towards you to fuel my passion for building them up again. To see them a whole, happy person once again will be exactly what you deserve. For you to know that even though you tried to decimate her in every possible way, you failed. You are all about power...but you will not win this one. You will fail........and I will be happy. harsh? yes. I am a born again christian but this does not mean I will not resort to this srot of thing to protect those I love. I could not protect them from you back then....but I can and will now.


donna



The the one who was hurt.

.......i love you. I love who you are, who you were and who you will be. I will walk with you to the ledge and hold your hand and when you are ready, i will watch you soar to great heights. You will be able to look back at where you have been and rejoice. My love for you will never change.......no matter what.




*I will not be discussing this further with anyone other than the party involved. I will not allow this evil person anymore of my time or energy. So if you don't understand any of this I am very sorry....but maybe, you can see, how something bad can be MADE good. Sometimes our circumstances allow us to rise and grow beyond anything we ever could have been before. Everyone must use anything bad in their lives and rise above it.  God is very useful when it comes to this....He will have a hand out....hoping you grasp it so He can lift you out of the wreckage of your life and pull you to safety...to a beautiful life.

Fall into Autumn

Fall. Autumn. Harvest moon. Yes my favorite time of the year. I love the cool breezes (though I must say its a gamble whether or not we will have cool breezes in Louisiana). This week has been wonderful. I have missed the leavea falling, the crispness in the air, the need for a hoodie and the ability to wear jeans and a t-shirt without burning up. I suppose I am looking forward to the cooler temps because this summer was almost imbearable. Hot is not the word for the summer we had. I was thankful when the temperature dropped into the 90's! Hot, sticky, nasty summer.

How I loathe hot weather. It takes me forever to cool off, but when I am cold, I can warm up rather easily. This is why Fall is perfect for me. I do love a good bonfire with good friends. I love hayrides. I LOVE halloween. I always secretly wished we lived in New Hampshire in one of those colonial towns where the sidewalks were full of trick or treaters and the houses all looked quaint with their spooks and goblins for decor. Basicly every candy commercial that airs at Halloween. I still cant wait to drive my kids down to wedgewood (the halloween mecca for trick or treaters in Ruston) and let my kids run from house to house gathering all the candy they can carry. Sure they never eat it all and I end up throwing out most of it. But they love it and I love it.......I remember when my neighborhood was big on trick or treating. There was always that one house that handed out McDonald's coupons of which my parents never let us redeem. Or the house that made homemade popcorn balls. Yuck. I would lick them and throw them away.

The reason I love this new season has always escaped me. I have tried to rationalize it. Because of the candy, the weather, the landscapes........but honestly I think its a combination of those things. Some of my happiest memories growing up were in the fall months. Everyone was in a good mood, happy to have summer over with and ready for thanksgiving and Christmas. Sure Christmas was huge in my household, still is for that matter, but Thanksgiving was when my family really got together and had a great time. Actually, Thanksgiving will most likely be my new favorite holiday. Last Thanksgiving was the last time I saw my uncle really happy, healthy (well healthier than he would become). He laughed and joked and really had a great time. He was with us on Christmas but his health was speedily declining and even he knew it wouldnt be much longer (he passed away Feb 1 of this year).  So thanksgiving was always and will always be a great time and of course it happens to be in my favorite time of year!

I suppose I need to end this now. I didnt really know what I would be writing about today. I have alot on my mind and needed to just get SOME words out......not really anything specific....just a creative release. I think I might go out on my porch and enjoy the 66 degrees that are gracing us. Maybe I can even convince deron to sit on the steps with me and gaze at the stars........well it never hurts to ask (though I am almost 100% sure his response will not be as romantic as I would hope). Enjoy your fall guys, enjoy your tomorrow. The newness that tomorrow brings is a blessing that needs to be embraced, enjoyed and made into memories. I will be making memories tomorrow.....I hope you do as well!

PS football just got turned on so I am thinking no porch sitting for deron and I. I do enjoy a good football game but that is ONE thing about fall that I might could live without! Well maybe not when the Bearcats are playing!

Dear Donna Womack

last night, my sister-in-law, dawn and I had a discussion about music. In the last 9 months I have awakened a love for what many call "strange" music. Unorthodox in many circles but still I love it. It is alternative/ indie. Some rock but even that is mostly British rock. I digress. She asked me if I had heard of a song by Brad Paisley. Now to be honest, I do not listen to country music much, but I had heard some of Mr. Paisley's songs. I had not, however, heard of the song "Letter to Me". She let me listen to it and I began to cry. As I listened to this song, this powerfully relevant song, I thought about what I would write. I will not put the lyrics to the song, as they were his lyrics (or whomever wrote the song's lyrics) here. The purpose of this blog is to reveal what would be in my Letter to Me. So here goes, for better of worse. I will be revealing certain things, that you might not know about me. Some I am not entirely proud of, but at the same time are apart of who I am so entirely that if they had not happened, I wouldn't be who i am today. Now for my letter........

Dear Donna,

I begin writing this, by first proving that this is really you in the future. In your top drawer of your white chest of drawers (that I still use btw) you keep all your Seagram's and jack Daniel's bottle tops. These are kept under the sticky paper used to cover the bottom of the drawer. If that is not enough, you also have a vast collection of Fresca cans in paper grocery bags in your closet. (go ahead and throw those away now and save mama the trouble because she WILL as soon as you leave for Leigh's in the summer).

I want to tell you some things that might help you along the way. Not trying to stop events that will happen, but rather prepare you for them.

1. Your daddy is always right. Never doubt him. No matter what because he will always give you good advice even when you think he is being hard. Your mama will do whatever she can so that you can have what you need. She will also do most of your laundry so go and ask her how to do it. Also watch her cook, you wont find a better cook and she would love it if you went in and helped.

2. Get a house key so you dont have to keep crawling through your window after school. And be more careful when crawling OUT of that window at night. Mama and Daddy are waiting to catch you...and they will....and it won't be pretty.

3. Wake them up when that friend comes crawling through your window at 2 AM. Tell them you need to take her home. Believe me....this is how they catch you sneaking out and again. It ain't pretty.

4. Give Jake that hug goodbye. It will mean more to you than you will ever know.

5. Don't try so hard. If they dont like you, then so be it. You are going to meet and marry the most fabulous man who gives you two awesome kids.

6. Wake up and go to school. Senior year is going to suck when you can't participate in senior skip day because you missed too many days in first hour because you couldnt wake up....on and btw....you still like to sleep in.

7. Don't stop exercising...believe me.....DONT

8. Go to college and finish.

9. When riding around with mandy, make sure you wear a seatbelt.

10. Enjoy every escapade you have with Candida, Holly, Mandy, and Alice. Though collectively they are not friends with each other...they will be the best friends you will ever have. (later you meet some pretty awesome chicks and even becomes REALLY good friends with....get ready for this.......Elizabeth Trammell....she is pretty cool when you are not trying to mack on her boyfriend haha).

11. Don't over do it on Prom your junior year.....on second thought......it was fun and I can remember all of it so have a blast.

12. Don't worry about the things that your parents are going through.....just be there for them and let them know you love them. Dont be afraid to hug them.

13. Know that Leigh will always be there for you. Appreciate Edward....hug him and often. let him know how much he means to you.

14. Sit down and listen to pawpaw. he has many stories to tell and they are all interesting. He loves you and is proud of who you are. He is the reason we like to joke around so much.

15. Try to steer Daniel in the right direction. He looks up to you.

16. Lori will become one of your best friends...shocking I know...but very true.

17. Greg will always, always, always be there and both lori, greg and daniel will provide you with some of the most awesome neices and nephews anyone could ever have. They will also provide you with some kicking in-laws!

18. Don't consume yourself with just one friend......as you get older it will become very clear to you who is your true friends...and who wants to drag your name through the mud. While it hurts to find this out......it is a necessary evil so you can finally be who you want to be.

19. Don't sweat the small stuff.....dont worry when people dont like you, because not everyone does.

20. Its ok to cry, even at school. Wear what you want, laugh when you want and cry as much as you need to. Don't always try to be the strong one.

21. One day, you will wake up and realize that you are not young........but you are still kicking so make the most of the time you have left.


Love, You


Ok a bit random and you might not understand most of these, but they are perfectly clear to me. This was very theraputic and now i can see why he sang that song with such emotion. I would suggest you try this......though I cant change the past, i can understand it a bit better. I have had a pretty sweet life so far.....and plan on making the next 33 years even sweeter!

the kid's got skillz

I signed Katelynn up  for a 7 week art clinic through North Central Louisiana Arts Council. She had her first class monday....the only training she has had is in her art classes at school. I was incredibly impressed at her talent. (she get it from her mama..haha thats from a song) She is so excited, as I am about all that she will be learning! Below is what she drew in her first class. She looked at the teachers picture and had to draw it.

Don't make me pull this car over!

sitting here, with earbuds in (note to self : must get skull candy) listening to my excellent playlist. wishing deron were home, but appreciating the sacrifices he makes every month. Life is pretty good. I wish everyone had the privilege of experiencing a quarter of the contentment I am feeling at this exact moment.

The grass has always seemed greener on the other side. I do have to say...my grass is pretty darn green right now. I learned a long time ago that God will not move you to where you want to be until you are content with where He has you right now. Even if that place does not seem ideal. Have I always lived this? Well NO! But I believe it.

I do look forward to what God has in store for me next. I love adventure and this life has been a pretty fun adventure thus far. I can feel change coming though....not sure why....but I welcome change even though I love my life right now. Even with all the struggles I deal with emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually.......I do love my life. (that last sentence makes me look a little wackadoodle). Are there things I wish weren't reality? Sure...I have loved ones that are hurting. I have friends who are hurting. On many levels I am hurting......though I am learning to let all of those things go and let God deal with them. But we have to look at our lives, and understand that we are where we are for a reason. Mainly our choices, but God knew we would make those choices and so circumstances are the way they are because God allowed them for a reason. Understand that and learn from those circumstances and be ready for when God moves you from where you are.

I am glad I am where I am. I have learned alot in the last year. I have learned that no matter what, your friends are not always as loyal as you are. I have learned that some people are not meant to be your friends and I have to stop trying to make them my friends, I have learned that my children will continue to amaze you beyond what I believe. I have learned to lean on God more. I have learned that I am more vulnerable than I thought. But most of all, I have learned that where I am, what I am experiencing is part of my journey, part of the path that God has me on. I have paused, stopped, and complained alot.....and He wouldn't let me continue until I was ready to accept where I was, and deal with it. Much like riding in the car with my parents when i was a child. If I acted up, my dad was quick to pull over and not MOVE until I acted right. God sometimes has to pull our lives over and wait til we decide to act right.

Well, my playlist is almost over, and it is getting late. Take from this blog whatever you can.....mainly rambling but my point is...I am happy where I am and know that where ever I end up, God will be in control. Will He have to pull me over to get me to straighten up? probably.......but that's life!  Just trust Him.....that is what I have to tell myself daily!

Life is good.......

Happy Birthday Katelynn

Beautiful, Graceful, Full of life

Dramatic, Funny, Always Creating

Loving, Caring, Great Big Sister

You were born in a exciting way

and our lives have never been the same.

We love you Katelynn Victoria Sherman.

Happy Birthday to our star!

Strength is in the eye of the beholder

My sister in law sent me a text today. It said " A strong person know how to keep their life in order. When with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say 'I'm OK' with a smile."

Now, this was a forward and I am sure she sent it to others as well. But this text, about strength, got me to thinking. What defines Strength. It really has some many different variances and each person has a different view as to what 'strong' really is. I am not talking about brute, mr universe strength. I am talking, emotionally standing when your world is crumbling all around you strength.

I have always prided myself as being a strong person. I guess I thought that showing emotion was a sign of weakness. I know my parents and siblings might disagree with this as they depict my childhood as that of a crybaby. I guess as I got older, I felt that in order to be treated as an adult I would have to act as one. I now realize that crying is not a sign of weakness. My aunt told me that she heard tears are a buffer from the pain. (or something to that affect). I liked that very much because I had LOTS of buffer! I can cry at the drop of a hat now. Does this make me strong or weak? I think a little bit of both.

I want to convey to you today that strength, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Sure there are some universal ideas about being a strong person. But in general, what you might deem as weak, others might think as stronger than they could ever be.

listed below are just some ideas of what I think strong really is......you might disagree or agree. All I would like to do is to open your minds a little bit. Know that maybe, just maybe, when you think someone is being helpless....that they are being as strong as they know how to be.

Examples of Strength

• Walking away from almost all of your friends because they dont appreciate or love you the way you need to be loved.
• Staying with someone who does not love you the way you need to be loved because it is the right thing to do
• Admitting that you need medication
• Admitting that you are an addict
• Confronting those who have wronged you
• Not saying anything to those who have wronged you
• Confessing the wrongs you have done to people
• Confessing who you really are
• Telling your parents they are wrong
• Admitting you are wrong
• Watching a loved one die, slowly, and knowing you cant do anything to save them so you make sure they are never alone and as comfortable as possible.
• Experiencing loss without losing your mind
• Crying when you are sad, happy, mad
• Watching a person go down the wrong path and not being able to do anything about it
• Seeing your loved one, strung out, and pleading with them to just get help.
• Driving with a teenager
• Going to docter with your newly diagnosed spouse and letting them cry on your shoulder
• Telling someone it will be ok, when you dont know yourself if that is true
• Holding your child, who is sick or hurt, and smiling through the tears
• Telling your child no
• Telling your child yes to something that you know will never work out for the good, but you know they must learn on their own.
• Watching your child mess up and still loving them unconditionally
• Accepting those who might not do things that you agree with but loving them anyway
• Seeing someone who has wronged you beyond anything thought imaginable and smiling and saying hello
• Forgiving those who have wronged you
• Enduring abuse so grave that you never thought you could get through it, but you did
• Watching your children make wrong decisions
• Accepting yourself and loving yourself
• Acknowledging that you need to change and then changing
• Loving those who hate you
• Controlling your past, and not letting it control you

Sometimes we forget that everyone is fighting a battle. Everyone has struggles.Whether they handle things the way you would have, they are handling them. If you see someone who is smiling, and you know that they just lost their spouse, then you are staring strength right in the face. If you see someone who has just finished rehab, you are staring strength right in the face. If you see someone who looks happy, but they are completely depressed on the inside, you are looking at strength. I have my own ideas of what makes someone strong. I have experienced things, endured things, put myself through some things that I feel have helped me be a stronger person. I will never regret these things.